Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Care

DISCLAIMER: This post could sound cheesy, REALLY cheesy. I mean the title tells it all, and I haven't actually came up with such a cheesy title. BUT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Well, the reason for me posting this is just to thank people who are concerned for me. Yeah, my life feels like crap now, and I find no joy in doing anything at all. Nothing seems to lift my spirits, and I feel like sinking 6-feet under. I feel like Usher right now, oscillating between the 2 poles of sanity and insanity. (OK, maybe between insanity and madness. Mild insanity and deep insanity. Whichever way you wanna choose.)

But that aside, people have been real nice and concerned about me, but I'm like just feeling depressed and sad for no reason. I am reminded of Don John from "Much Ado About Nothing" at this point in time - I am sad for no reason. I'm like really thankful for the friends around me who care and ask if I'm alright, but me laughing like some mad lunatic doesn't really answer the question (OK, maybe it does). But you guys know what I mean.

Nope, no emo poem this time. Too tired, need my rest.

Friday, 25 July 2008

The Coffee Paradox

Before we explore 'The Coffee Paradox', we have to explore and define the meanings to the words 'Coffee' and 'Paradox'.

Definitions from d*********.com
Coffee (cof·fee) noun - a beverage consisting of a decoction or infusion of the roasted ground or crushed seeds (coffee beans) of the two-seeded fruit (coffee berry) of certain coffee trees.

Paradox (par·a·dox) noun -
1.
a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth
2. a self-contradictory and false proposition
3. any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature
4. an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion

Definitions according to the great me:
Coffee noun - a beverage that boosts the brain power ridiculously, but has a drastic after-effect, making one look like a drunkard; contrary to popular belief, it doesn't keep me awake

Since my definition for paradox is closely similar to d*********.com, just refer to above.
==========

Now, why a 'Coffee Paradox'?

Coffee, for most people serves to keep one awake. The drinking of coffee is especially commonplace when one is mugging for the final year examinations or any other important test. Nonetheless, coffee does not serve to keep me awake, and thus many render coffee useless for me. But I would like to remind one that I DO NOT drink coffee for the sake of keeping awake, but for the bitterness and smell of it, so it does serve its purpose for me.

Now why paradox? It's simply because while coffee is supposed to keep one awake, it ironically makes me feel like sleeping. Why is this so? It is simply because coffee helps my brain (YES, I do have one) to work at it's optimum level. However, it does have its side effects - extreme insanity, overly heightened senses, and tiredness of the body. Too little coffee will drive me into insanity, while too much coffee will make my brain work real well but in turn making me feel real tired after 3 hours. I need the right amount of coffee so that I won't get knocked out fast, and to also maintain some level of sanity - a regular cup of coffee at most coffee stands would do the trick. And how I know? The other day I drank a small and I went into an epileptic frenzy (2 people can testify to that), and today I drank a large and I could actually complete more work in the same amount of time (the amount of work I managed to complete testifies to that).

The conclusion - never order a large cause of the coffee rush, never order small cause there's too little of it - order s regular and it will make your day!

*On a side note, coffee of all proportions would also drive me crazy, and that would probably explain why I came up with such a random post. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Thursday, 24 July 2008

The Stupidity of E-Learning

You know how stupid is E-Learning?

It's real STUPID. Simple. No word can describe it, cause any other word would not bring across the simple truth of the dumbness of it all.

E-Learning = waste of time

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Rashes!

I have a rash outbreak (better known as allergic reaction or hives) all over my body! It's so irritating cause it itches like mad! It must be some crappy dinner I ate yesterday that caused it! Also, yesterday (19th July) was the first time I went to a doctor's in nearly 2 years. How do I know? Cause when I visited the polyclinic, they had my old address in their database, and I shifted house nearly 2 years ago! So by simple deduction, I haven't gone to a polyclinic in years... Thus this proves one thing - JC life is stressing me out and my body can't take it. I mean in just term 2 alone I felt sick TWICE, when I didn't even fall sick in secondary school!

And I quote Darryl - “Too damn tired” should be considered a ailment which GPs issue Medical Certificates for.
It's because of school life and the need to continuously think that forces me to drink coffee! Coffee is an essential energy source for the brain, or at least for me it is. Or maybe it's the sugar in it, cause sugar is an essential energy source. Man, I so need a break from school; thank God for E-learning week!

I also came up with a theory that would explain the rash - I have been drinking too little coffee lately! I think maybe cause I drink so much coffee on a regular basis and I suddenly decided to cut down, my entire body can't take the stress that school life gives and breaks down! (Yes, I am a coffee addict. Now without coffee, I walk like some drunkard and laugh like a lunatic! LOL! *Sonia can testify to that.)

Ok, gonna sleep now. The itch is irritating me.

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Sighs

Yes, sighs. I'm so tired of school life. I mean next week is supposed to be e-learning week, and I have to wake up early because of PDP commitments (aka Staff Phototaking...). I'm like tired of thinking about PW, I'm tired of thinking about anything related to school. I just wished that time would stop for me and I could actually concentrate on something that I like. ARGH!!! I mean why does everything spin past me so quickly, and there's like no time for me to start revision for promos! I'm so gonna draw up a timetable for the next week (aka E-learning week) and subsequent weeks in order to complete my revision before the end of year promos.

This is one of the days when you really hope that time will just stop spinning, and your heart would stop beating, and your body will stop breathing, and you will just turn cold and freeze in time...

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH NONSENSE?!!?!?

I need a hug. =(

Monday, 14 July 2008

I'm tired.

Tired
I'm tired -
Of this hectic schedule.
What is the point of going to school?

I'm tired -
Of this fast-pace.
Why must things proceed so quickly?

I'm tired -
Of these tumultuous times.
Why is my life so troubling?

I'm tired -
Of this very life.
Oh how I wish to sleep and never be awakened!

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Strengthsquest

Firstly, I would like to say that the whole idea of 'Strengthsquest' is... dumb. I mean it's a quiz to find out more about your strengths, which can be real silly at times. I mean I predicted what kind of results I would get before I set for the test, and out of the 5 results that were tabulated (by an AI if i may add), I predicted 4 spot-on! (Surprise surprise! I alreadyknow enough about myself that I hate to take this kind of tests. If not for the fact that it's a 'school-assignment', I wouldn't be bothered about 'Know-Yourself' tests.)

Now, test results.

Context - something I predicted
"You look back. You look back because that is where the answers lie. You look back to understand the present. ... The earlier time was a simpler time. It was a time of blueprints. As you look back, you begin to see these blueprints emerge. You realize what the initial intentions were. ... No longer disoriented, you make better decisions because you sense the underlying structure. You become a better partner because you understand how your colleagues came to be who they are. And counterintuitively you become wiser about the future because you saw its seeds being sown in the past."

Strategic - predicted this too...
"The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?” This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path—your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: “What if?” Select. Strike."

Analytical - predicted this as well...
"... you do insist that their (your friends') theories be sound. You see yourself as objective ... You like data because they are value free. They have no agenda. Armed with these data, you search for patterns and connections. You want to understand how certain patterns affect one another. How do they combine? What is their outcome? Does this outcome fit with the theory being offered or the situation being confronted? These are your questions. You peel the layers back until, gradually, the root cause or causes are revealed. Others see you as logical and rigorous."

Connectedness - another one I predicted...
"
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. ... This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. ... Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. ... Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries."

Input - the only one I didn't predict correctly, but still describes me...
"You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information ...Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. ... These (information) can be acquired and then stored away. ... So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable."
==========

Conclusion? Strengthsquest = nonsense... ><

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Results...

Well, in life, there are things you always dread. And one of the things I dread most are results. A famous joke/quotation, "It's not the math I hate; but rather the aftermath."

Results:
GP - 40/100 I was just shocked. I didn't expect my comprehension to fail so badly. (Well, I passed due to moderation.)
Econs - 34/100 Another major blow. I mean I felt so confident when I stepped out of the exam hall, but ARGH! I mean this was the subject that I spent most of my time in the holidays on, but it's the poorest. (Sub-pass due to moderation.)
Lit - 46/100 Passed.
Hist - 45/100 I passed this one.
Math - 75/100 I aced this one. =P
Chinese - 65/100 I just can't believe that my Chinese could beat so many of my subjects. INCLUDING MY GP!

EDIT: Updated all my scores.

Thanks to those who tried to cheer me up, and sorry that I'm so stuck-up and upset. Xiuqing was like "Stop wallowing in self-pity. It's okay to do that for a while, but you should snap out of it soon. If not, you're pathetic." This is quite true, but well, still feeling so depressed. *sighs* But really, a word of thanks to those who were being so nice to me. So the following poem is for my nice friends.
==========
Friends
Thank You,
From the bottom of my heart -
The words you spoke meant a lot to me.
I always thought I could stand alone,
But truth remains - I have to throw off my useless pride;
Even if I put on a courageous facade,
I know that I cannot live alone.

Thank You,
From the bottom of my heart -
Your encouragment is stuck in my head,
It resonates, and I can't get them out.
So I'm gonna run on, till I collapse.
'Don't forget your dream' - even though you didn't know,
This felt like the advice you were telling me.

Thank You,
From the bottom of my heart -
I know that life is a long journey;
I'll drop this burden and walk empty handed,
I'll not forget those that I hold dear as
I walk towards that unseen destination.
Please walk alongside me.

Friday, 4 July 2008

Shattered Pieces

Shattered Pieces
I'll try to pick those pieces from the middle of my chest,
Gathering those shattered pieces of happiness;
A resounding melody started to resound within me,
Lingering, disturbing, no matter how I tried to forget it.

I think I'll forget just about everything that you thought me -
It was useless to recall anything since I had never listened;
On those long nights when my tears start to drop,
I would turn back, and retrace my steps.

I hope to find those shattered pieces
And to repiece them altogether;
But I know it'll never be a complete picture -
Isn't it about time to throw down everything and move on?

During the days and the nights,
I yearn for that love; I swore to protect what I loved -
I'll shoot through the skies and cut a new life.
You and I; we will never meet at crossroads.

Boredom

Well, I got real bored. So I remembered a quiz from a VERY long time ago, and just decided to do this. Cause everyone I know who did this quiz used mostly English songs, I wondered how this would turn out with Japanese songs. The English translation of the song, if the song is in Japanese, is in brackets"( )".

==========
RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 ppl at their tagboard to ask them to do this! > This is the rule I won't bother about lol
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

==========
1.How are you feeling today?
believe ~akiramenaide~ (believe ~don't give up~) - Yeah, I feel dejected. I needa believe in myself and not give up!

2.Will you get far in life?
Wakare no yokan (Premonition of Separation) - I'll be divorced from my future wife? Nah...

3.Will you get married?
UPROAR - Yeah, I'll get married, and it'll cause an uproar!

4.What is your best friend's theme song?
POWER - Oh my, I didn't know my friend was so power seeking!

5.What is the story of your life?
Urutora no Hoshi (The Star of Ultra) - My life is and will be very bright!

6. What was primary school like?
STRATAGEM - Not exactly; I wasn't that of a tactician in the past.

7. How can you get ahead in life?
SCENERY - I'll lead a great life; a beautiful scenery!

8. What is the best thing about your friends?
EVER - They will ever be there! =D

9. What is in store for this weekend?
Break the Chain - Yeah, I'm breaking the chains of school life!

10. What song describes you?
Kiseki! Mebius Infinity (Miracle! Mebius Infinity) - I am like a miracle and appear like Ultraman Mebius when people need help!

11.How is your life going?
SOLITUDE - LOL! Yeah, I'm keeping myself in isolation and being emo! =P

12. What song will they play at your funeral?
Yakusoku no V Sain (The V Sign of Promise) - Yeah, I win everything in life, so the V sign.

13. How does the world see you?
EXPECTATION - Yeah, I have loads of expectations from everyone alright.

14. What do your friends really think of you?
Yasashiku (Gentleness) - Yup, I'm a very gentle and nice friend =P

15. Do people secretly lust after you?
Aizome (Indigo Dye) - Is purple/idigo a colour of lust? If it is, then yeah, people do lust after me LOL.

16. How can I make myself happy?
Eiyuu no Fukkatsu (The Revival of a Hero) - I'll revive myself when I'm feeling down I guess?

17. Will you ever have children?
SEIZURE - Hmm? No idea how I'm gonna tackle this one.

Thursday, 3 July 2008

EMOtism

Yes, it's another emo poem time. I feel sad. =(
==========
Tears
An indescribable sadness has led me into dismay -
I saw you again, and you had that same warm smile;
But I couldn't understand why such sadness
Reigns within the deepest regions of my heart.

Why do we have to meet at such a time?
Tears started to swell in my eyes,
And they started to fall drop by drop to that cold hard floor.
The tears had drained all my emotions away.

An indescribable sadness has led me into dismay -
When we parted in different directions, seeking different futures,
There was this void within me,
Created by the lost emotions.

My whole body felt frozen, as the blood had stopped flowing,
Why can you still smile after these years?
Oh the humanity to have no emotions!
The tears had drained all my emotions away.

An indescribable sadness has led me into dismay -
I cried till there were no more tears
How should I move on?
The tears had drained all my emotions away.

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