Saturday, 28 February 2009

Distorted Realities


Week 9: Distorted Realities
Originally uploaded by zeta_gundam

Week 9: Distorted Realities

"Why is this world so distorted?" - Setsuna F Seiei, Mobile Suit Gundam 00

The line between the real and the unreal is so thin. Sometimes, the real just seems so unreal, while the unreal just seems so real. Which is which?

Thursday, 26 February 2009

The True Self

"誰も旅の途中、本当の自分自身出会う為" - Everyone is in the midst of a journey to find his own true self...

Sometimes, I wonder to myself, is there reason for me to do everything I'm doing right now? Why on earth am I studying so hard for, and for what reason? I don't see any sense in what I'm studying, and I don't like most of the subjects that I'm taking. I don't enjoy myself in school, and I don't enjoy myself at home either. Sometimes, there are so many things in my mind that I can't really think straight and clearly anymore. People always tell me to think less, but I just can't. Too many things go on in my mind at one time, to the point that my brain overloads. Maybe that's why I have recurrent headaches. I'm just typing whatever that comes to my mind right now, cause right now, my entire brain is in a mess. I have a million and one readings for history, and I'm barely done with my second set of readings.

Sometimes I wonder to myself: "Why bother with church choir? See, now your Saturdays are completely busy, how to do your homework? Why bother with church activities? Why bother with school? Why do you care so much? Why are you bothering about things that most people don't? Why do you have to help people when they don't appreciate you at all? Why study so hard when you don't get any rewards? Sure, studying isn't about rewards, but being human and getting some form of reward would be an encouragement at times. Why pursue photography when you don't have the money? Why make Gunpla when you don't have an airgun and you're not like the professionals? Why do I keep comparing myself with someone else of a higher standard? Sure, it's to improve myself, but I'm still stuck at that lousy level! Why do you bother so much about history, when probably others only rush at the last minute? But then again, what makes you think that others ain't doing extra? Why are you not putting effort into lit and econs? Why is it that your GP is merely average? Why are you so bothered about your math? Why can't you just throw all these thoughts out of the window and out of your mind once and for all? Why do you keep asking why? Why do you not solve the problems? Why do I not have enough time on my hands? Why do I keep thinking in this cyclic motion and just fall deeper into sadness? Maybe you have depression? Maybe you need medication? Maybe you need to trust God more? Maybe you need to stop thinking so much? Why am I thinking of problems everywhere? Why can't I stop thinking? Why? Why? Why?"

Sometimes, I just want to stop. Drop everything I'm holding. Grab my camera. Go on a journey, and never return. Don't be surprised to not see me around. I might just have gone. I'll return when I find the answer.

Real Tired

I have so many things to do, to the point that I'm going to collapse. I just feel like throwing away everything and walking empty handed.

"Life is a long path to a goal. Drop your heavy luggage and enjoy walking with your hands empty."

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Distant Lights


Distant Lights
Originally uploaded by zeta_gundam

Week 8: Distant Lights

Hope is there, just blurred and really far away.

Monday, 16 February 2009

Bad Luck...

You know there are times when things never seem to make sense, and when everything seems to be failing. I’ve had like 4 straight days of ‘bad luck’ already. On Friday, my camera decided to go all PMS-y on me. Well, people were saying that it’s because it was “Friday the 13th”, but that’s just nonsense since I don’t believe in superstition.

But if it really was the Friday the 13th ‘bad luck’, then it wouldn’t explain the ‘bad luck’ that followed on Saturday and Sunday. I mean my plans were all messed up on those two days, and all the stupid amount of work I have to do doesn’t seem to be easing out. Then there’s today. I tell you, the red sun in the morning was like a bad omen. And well, things happened in class today which I shall not elaborate on. And at the end of the day, more work! When will my chain of ‘bad luck’ end?!

Lately everything doesn’t seem to be working out for me. Nothing seems to be registering in my head in school. No wait, nothing seems to be registering in my head at all.

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Victory!


Victory!
Originally uploaded by zeta_gundam

His tag is number 1, and he came in number 1. Coincidence?

TJC Road Run '09.

Sunday, 8 February 2009

希望


希望
Originally uploaded by zeta_gundam

希望 - Kibou, "Hope" in Japanese.

Well, life is really crappy right now. But there's hope out there. I guess?

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

River

何もかも上手く行かない もどかしさに
焦る気持ちを押さえて
はがゆさと苛立たしさに 心乱れ
抱え込んだ膝小僧

悔しさをこらえて 涙に震えて
泣いた夜が明ける

そう
確かに君の言う通りだよ
今なら引き返せるけれども
つまらない意地を張り続けてる
歩き始めた以上 諦めない

もう一度 この手にチャンスを…

全てこの胸の中にしまっておこう
夢が叶うまで…

やるせない儚さに 身をゆだねるほど
そんな危うい時代に
あがいても手の届かない 岸を目指し
無我夢中で泳いだ

流れに逆らう 声も上げられない
行き止まりの場所で

そう
愛が全てを助けるとは 思わない
だけど君の微笑み
心を癒すその唇に 立ち上がる勇気を
もらうのさ

もう一度 この手にチャンスを…

川の流れは今日も激しいけれど
君の手は離さない
いつも この胸の中の愛を信じていよう
夢が叶うまで…

そう
愛が全てを助けるとは 思わない
だけど君の微笑み
心を癒すその唇に 立ち上がる勇気を
もらうのさ

確かに君の言う通りだよ
今なら引き返せるけれども
つまらない意地を張り続けてる
歩き始めた以上 諦めない

もう一度 この手にチャンスを…

川の流れは今日も激しいけれど
君の手は離さない
いつも この胸の中の愛を信じていよう
夢が叶うまで…

Sunday, 1 February 2009

WAKE YOU UP

心つながる 瞬間があるよ
不思議な感じ 見えない時でも
非常ドア越し せえので駆け出そう
闇を抜けて 光の出口へ

臆病風 吹き付ける 明日への通路
平気さ僕は ひとりじゃない

もしも君が挫そうな時も
大丈夫 僕が勇気を送るよ
悲しみも トラブルも 分かち合えると信じてる
ひとりじゃいつでも待ってた奇跡
君となら起こせるって気付いた
同じ夢 追いかけて ふたり走り抜けよう

他人(ひと)と冷たく すれ違うばかり
膝を抱えた あの日の夕闇
スキマだらけの 僕達が出会って
潤んだ瞳 一緒に笑ったね

涙の雨 うつむかず 今は進めるよ
雨のち晴れを見ていたい
やさしい理想の世界じゃなくても
まっすぐ夢見る翼をくれた
戸惑いもはがゆさも 手を取り合って 消して 行こう
いつか離れて道が途切れても
消えない絆がきっと導く
思い出も未来図も 光る追い風になれ

そうさWAKE YOU UP

もしも君が挫けそうな時も
大丈夫 僕が勇気を送るよ
悲しみも トラブルも 分かち合えると信じてる
ひとりじゃいつでも待ってた奇跡
君となら起こせるって気付いた
同じ夢 追いかけて ふたり走り抜けよう

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